I moved out of my marital family and into my own apartment three years ago. Independence Day 2005. It truly was in so many ways.
But, until now, I haven’t truly been a single mom.
One week out of every two, I was a single mom. The other, I was a young woman, business owner, entrepreneur, with no children.
For the week they were with their dad, I was free. And yet, I was in far more bondage then, than I am today, or that I even knew. Becoming a full time single mom has brought me a freedom that was not fathomable to me when I had two weeks out of every month free.
While I had no kids during two weeks of the month, I was a workaholic every day of the year.
I am now aware that part of my workaholism over the past couple of years was brought on by the necessity of building a brand new business while still operating the old one, but the other part was brought on by my fundamental belief that I didn’t have enough time.
Here’s what’s strange. I used to think I didn’t have enough time to work, which was why I worked all the time.
What has just hit me like a ton of bricks is that it wasn’t my work I didn’t have enough time for – it was my kids I didn’t have enough time with.
Because of that, I always felt in a hurry and impatient. I had to squeeze in work when they were with me and then when they weren’t, I had to work 12-15 hours a day, so I could work less when they were with me. My schedule was whack and as a result I felt fairly constant dis-ease.
Now that I have my kids on a full-time schedule, I’m finding a peaceful rhythm in which I have plenty of time to work, exercise, and spend amazing, quality time with my kids.
Just this morning, I had the opportunity to really teach Kaia the power of forgiveness after she unintentionally hurt a friend’s feelings. I was able to do that because she was here and I was present. I wasn’t afraid of running out of time. I didn’t feel a bit hurried or anxious.
Who would have thought that MORE time with my kids would bring me the freedom I’d been longing for.